Dear Younger Me... and the Men I Loved,

There are some words I've carried in my heart for a long time.

Today, I choose to write them with honesty, humility, and grace.

First, I want to say...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I wasn't the woman God was shaping me to become when we met.

Had I known then what I know now, our paths may never have crossed. Yet I believe God can redeem every chapter of our lives, even the ones marked by brokenness.

Please know this:

I have loved you.

In many ways, I always will.

Not because I desire to return to the past, but because love does not rejoice in another person's downfall. Instead, it prays for healing, redemption, and peace.

Every relationship taught me something about myself.

You revealed places where I was still wounded.

Places where I had settled for less than God's best.

Places where I had confused acceptance with love and potential with character.

For years, I told myself things like:

"I'll never get married."

"Marriage never lasts."

"You can't trust anyone."

Those weren't the words of a confident woman.

They were the words of a little girl who watched her parents' marriage fall apart and quietly carried that heartbreak into adulthood.

Looking for Love in the Wrong Places

Jesus teaches in Matthew 7:6:

"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs..."

For a long time, I misunderstood my own value.

I entrusted my heart to people who were never meant to carry it.

I allowed my light to grow dim because I fell in love with potential instead of pursuing God's purpose.

I placed my hope in people instead of my Heavenly Father.

The abandoned little girl within me longed to be chosen.

She longed to feel safe.

She longed to believe someone's word could finally be trusted.

When promises were broken, I overlooked the warning signs because rejection felt familiar.

I tolerated things I should have confronted.

I excused behavior I should have walked away from.

Not because I was weak...

But because I was wounded.

The Father Who Never Left

Looking back, I realize something beautiful.

The little girl inside me wasn't simply looking for a husband.

She was longing for a Father.

The only One who has never broken His promises...

Is Jesus.

The only One who has never abandoned me...

Is my Heavenly Father.

His love has remained constant, even when I wandered.

His faithfulness never depended on mine.

For that, I am eternally grateful.

My Repentance

Today, I take responsibility for my own choices.

I repent for every place where I stepped outside of God's design.

I repent for sexual sin.

For pride.

For fear.

For self-reliance.

For seeking validation from people instead of my Creator.

For believing lies instead of God's truth.

For trying to fill spiritual emptiness with relationships that could never satisfy the deepest longing of my heart.

Lord...

Thank You for meeting me with mercy instead of condemnation.

Redemption Is My Story

To the fathers of my children...

Thank you.

Our story did not unfold the way I once imagined.

Yet God has used every chapter to reveal His grace.

The greatest gifts to come from our relationship are our beautiful sons.

Every time I look at them, I am reminded that God is still in the business of bringing beauty from brokenness.

They are not reminders of my failures.

They are reminders of God's faithfulness.

Today, I have the privilege of raising two future men of God.

I pray they will know their Heavenly Father from a young age.

I pray they will become men of integrity, humility, courage, and unwavering faith.

I pray that the generational patterns that shaped my life will end with me.

By God's grace, I choose to become a repairer of the breach.

Thank You, Jesus

Thank You for never abandoning me.

Thank You for pursuing me when I was running from You.

Thank You for showing me my true identity.

Thank You for teaching me that purity begins in the heart before it is reflected in our actions.

Thank You for revealing that covenant is sacred.

Thank You for reminding me that I am worthy—not because of what I have done, but because of what You accomplished on the cross.

I now understand that God's Word is the greatest treasure I could ever possess.

It has transformed my heart, renewed my mind, and restored my hope.

Today, I no longer live looking backward with shame.

I look forward with expectation.

I trust that God is preparing every step of my future, including the relationships He has ordained for my life.

Until then, my first covenant belongs to Christ.

He is enough.

He always has been.

He always will be.

XOXO

K.I.S.S. — Keep It Simple & Sanctified

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Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

Matthew 22:37-39

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